Desperation, My Old Friend

Despite all of the positive things I wrote about here over the last week, yesterday I began to feel that desperation return. Despite my best efforts to head off bad thoughts and negativity, I felt hopeless again. I am still having thoughts like, 'Why are my pants still tight?', 'Why do I actually feel fatter today than 2 days ago?', 'What will I do if the scale doesn't show a loss this week?'. Then I get angry at myself for not doing better and wonder what is wrong with me, and for the first time in weeks, I wanted food to make me feel better.

I did NOT eat. I really wanted to, but I did not. I feel like my body may be holding on to the weight because I still have pregnancy hormones running about in my system. I seem to remember this happening last time I had a baby. Whatever the reason, it sucks. I don't know for sure that I haven't lost weight, but I'm scared to check.

I am totally committed to this healthy way of losing weight and taking care of myself, so I will press on, but it's really hard. Another downer was not being able to go to the gym last night because my 8 week old baby didn't go to sleep until 11:30pm. There was nothing I could do. I just barely met my targets, but they were met. I honestly don't know what to do other than just keep doing what I'm doing and not let my desperation ruin this. I'm doing the right things. There is no possible way that this lifestyle and activity level will not help me to drop pounds. ((sigh))

I'm going to work my butt off today to try and make up a little of the gym time lost yesterday. Let's just hope the little angel cooperates tonight. I'm also going to adjust my BodyBugg program so that it let's me measure success in inches instead of pounds. The tape measure seems to be way less intimidating at the moment.

Happy Monday!